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Coming Out - Ready or Not [an LGBTQ+ Charity release]

by Homo Promos

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1.
High above the city, from scaffolding of steel Two strapping scaffolders are chucking orange peel Both read their 'Playboy' and smoke their No. 6 And talk about the ref allowing all those penalty kicks Then one tells the other the news he's heard that day: They say the foreman's girder swings the other way - Is he one? I'd never have guessed You never can tell today To see one, they're like all the rest Of us, well, live and let live, that's what I say. To be one might be kind of fun So I'll tell you what I'll do If you will still be my sweet baby I'll tell you I'm one too. Up in the convent, never ones to shirk, Two blessed nuns are hard at work Both spread the gossip to keep up to scratch The knowledge of the convent as they tend the cabbage patch: 'Sister Bruno's smoking' - 'Sister Agnes eats too much - And Sister George's habit is a thing you shouldn't touch Is she one? I'd never have guessed etc Up in the boardroom, beside his penthouse flat The chairman has invited all the board in for a chat. 'Gentlemen, I'm sorry,' he says, 'But we've gone bust 'So let me make confession to the folks that I most trust.' And leaping from the window, he screams 'I loved you all' - While all the board start muttering as his stocks begin to fall: 'Was he one? I'd never have guessed etc.' Parish Bring-and-Buy Sale, Miss Smith and Mrs Brown Are putting up the trestles as they put their best friends down Miss Smith says 'Lady Slummit thought the membership would build 'If we held less formal meetings of the Townswomen's Guild; 'But I say sitting naked with her friends Val and Midge 'Is not exactly my idea of a friendly hand of bridge.' 'Is she one? I'd never have guessed etc.' Midnight in the Commons, while most backbenchers kip, The member for You-Guessed-It has a session with the Whip; Later in the Clubroom she has a little grouse About the latest scandal which may well divide the House The MP for 'Well-You-Know' does things I shouldn't say - I've heard his private members' bill quite exceeds his pay 'Is he one? I'd never have guessed etc.' The football season's with us, they're playing for the Cup, And hugging fellows on the field is on the up and up; But later in the showers, the striker's looking black And starting to have doubts, he says, about the new Full Back, 'I thought I was mistaken, but now I realise That as I kissed him for the goal, he said I'd lovely thighs.' Is he one? I'd never have guessed etc. Round at the barracks, where life is tough and hard Two young lieutenants have begun to change the guard. The guard tells the others that he never gets afraid As he does thiings in privates when he keeps them on parade. And also Major Swallow does things you'd never guess - I've heard he likes to wallow in another officer's mess Is he one? I'd never have guessed etc.
2.
A stranger came into my room And messed up my only bed Sheets are stained and covers strewn Then home again to true love and bread A stranger tunnelled into my heart He lay for a while by my side Now sometimes we meet, and though we must part He buried himself in my pride. A stranger is working on my mind He catches each word as it falls Leaving me lost Leaving me blind I come when this stranger calls Still I'll come when this stranger calls
3.
The relationship is easy, No need to define your terms Then suddenly you find you're spending less time With your friends, or doing your work. The warning bells are sounding, Better sit down and work it out This association resembles strangulation And the gentle voice turns to a shout You don't want to be a couple, No, don't want to live a lie Don't want to seem to hold up the dream Of a happy-ever-after or die. Don't want to be oppressive By setting out lots of rules That's very patriarchal and it takes off all the sparkle As the feelings all start to cool The space it must be respected Allowing lots of room Secure but hope there's lots of scope When non-monogamy comes too close Don't want to be oppressive By setting out lots of rules That's very patriarchal and it takes off all the sparkle And the feeling will start to cool So how to go about things when you can't find a kiss? Just check up on your neighbours And see if all their labours Have sorted out any of it *** Honestly Let's talk quite honestly Let's put aside emotions, deal with facts Such honesty can show some clarity And all the things that feelings lack Honestly What about the fallacy That the truth only hurts for a moment in time Since the pain is pure, time is the perfect cure At least, I think that's the line. But how can you see so clearly When tears obscure the view? The politics of openness with nothing left unsaid Confuse what's right with the best thing to do You feel better that you've been honest But better is a relative term You know in the end it will work itself out Why, what else could you honestly have done?
4.
Heroes in films are regular guys, just like me and you You're supposed to identify with everything they do All the different heroes, some you love and some you hate All with different points of view, but all of them are straight Turn on the radio, or turn on the TV Settle down with a newspaper, make yourselves a cup of tea Read between the lines a bit and then you're sure to see Advertisements for heterosexuality It's not fiction, it's propaganda DJs play the latest songs, apart from the controversial Stick to love and Boy Meets Girl if you want to be commercial After the song you can phone them up Get a record at a knock-down price 'Are you married dear? How long is it now? Three years? Well isn't that nice.' Turn on the radio, or turn on the TV Settle down with a newspaper, make yourselves a cup of tea Read between the lines a bit and then you're sure to see Advertisements for heterosexuality It's not music, it's propaganda Turn on the radio etc. It's not fiction, it's propaganda It's not music, it's propaganda It's not entertainment, it's propaganda
5.
It’s Only a Phase A little girl comes into the world, a happy healthy baby Daddy wanted a boy; but she’s still his pride and joy, He’ll teach his child to be meek and mild, a proper little lady. First day at school comes down, and soon she’s queen of the playground. She swaps her dolls for football and fights, Gets sent home for ripping another girl’s tights, But what Mum and Dad find most distressing, She plays nurses and nurses, and she undoes the dressings. Her teacher reassures them, though she won’t play with the right toys, Their sweet little girl won’t always act like one of the boys, Because – CHORUS It’s only a phase, just a phase she’s going through So that doesn’t mean, doesn’t mean she’s going to Always be a little queer like this; She’ll only be another year like this. You will find she’ll change her mind, She’ll see she’s wrong as time rolls on; It’ll only last a few more days – it’s only a phase. They send her to an all-girls school to learn to be a lady – Her most enlightening hours are spent in communal showers. She makes pals with all the gals; she sends them all half-crazy, Until that dismal day boys came and took them all away. And though for Shakespeare, Keats and Lawrence She just feels complete abhorrence, Each English class she’s in seventh heaven, And wishes Miss Jones would give her extra lessons. But when she tells her teacher what she wants them for, Miss Jones only smiles and tells her, ‘I’ve been through this before’. CHORUS It’s only a phase, just a phase you’re going through etc To her disgust she feels she must give up and curb her urges. But with each boy she’s kissing, she knows something vital’s missing. She shops around until she’s found concealed within the pages Of a certain magazine, directions to a different scene. She makes her way from disco to bar – She can’t believe how many dykes there are! Till finally comes that first night Of passion, lust and pure delight. And when, one day, her Dad walks in and finds them lying there, She doesn’t make a dash for the closet – she’s happy to declare: CHORUS It’s not just a phase, just a phase I’m going through And so that means, that means I’m going to Always be a little queer like this I won’t be just another year like this. You will find I won’t change my mind; You’ll see you’re wrong as the time rolls on – It’ll last more than a few more days – it’s not just a phase.
6.
Only the very young and the very beautiful can be so aloof Hanging out with the boys, all swagger and poise I don't even care what other people are there I just stare and stare and stare I see your shadow in the swimming pool I see your face in the shaving mirror Time and time and time again I follow your footsteps so quietly up the backstairs And I hope and I pray you ain't never going to find me there Smooth skin and tenderness long ago on a dark night Wish I could see you once again just to remember it was true I wanna be still beside you, quiet and still beside you Listening to your breathing and feeling your warmth again War Baby War Baby War Baby - I'm scared, so scared Of whatever it is you keep putting me through I don't think I could stand another ten years of this fighting All this stabbing and wounding, only getting my own back I don't wanna battle you to your feet and knees and elbows When I'm kneeling by the candle at the foot of my own bed Corresponding disasters every night on the TV Sickening reality keep gripping me in its guts All my friends talk and joke and laugh about Armageddon But like a nightmare it's still waiting there At the end of every day War Baby Woah War Baby I'm talking about the war, baby I'm scared, so scared Whatever it is you keep putting me through I'm not quite the sucker you've always taken me for I do it out of love and you imagine you're taking me in But later that same evening we were out in the car talking I suddenly wondered who the hell it was we'd all been trying to fool 'Cause you were the first one I ever wanted And it's you I come home to at the end of every day Like a mother-sucking baby, demanding and so helpless A little old balding man, all wrinkles and bulging eyes War Baby War Baby - this means War Baby - I'm scared, so scared Whatever it is you keep putting me through War Baby Talking 'bout the Third World War, baby War Baby
7.
WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE A DYKE? I've known you for years, and I'd never have guessed But don't get me wrong, I am not distressed I was not a teenager in the 60s without realising that we've all got to be free and if you're gay - that's OK by me Although I'm heterosexual, I'll always be your friend You know I really mean that, I do not pretend And now you know I'll always be true Do you think you could tell me exactly what you do: What's it like to be a dyke? What's it like? Have you told your Mum and Dad, or would it make 'em too sad? What's it like etc. Have you told them at work or is that something you shirk? What's it like etc. Do you wear men's clothes? Do you go to strip shows? What's it like etc. Are you butch or fem? Do you really hate men? What's it like etc. Have you got a plastic cock? Do you play with it a lot? What's it like etc. POSITIVE SONG I am moon, you are sea, I draw you in, draw you in to me You are moon, I am sea, I am drawn into thee. Taken and taking, we move as one, Rising and setting just like the sun Finding the courage, the courage to face All the meanings of our embrace. I am moon, you are sea etc. When we look into each other's eyes We find feelings of, 'What a surprise!' Woman beautiful, woman fine, I like having moments in which you are mine. I am moon, you are sea etc. Loving you, love moves me deep Loving you, love sweetens sleep Taken and taking we move as one Rising and setting just like the sun I am moon, you are sea etc.
8.
In the brothels, in the basements, In the back streets of Soho They were drifting away Never expecting the day When the papers and their scandals Would snuff out all the candles, The slum boy lose his Masher or his Swell For Oscar celebrated As the policemen congregated Outside the Cadogan Hotel Oh, the closet was so dark When the Empire Held the Square We were in there (x2) At the parties in the nightclubs There was music through Europe In the short years of peace The parties never could cease For with Negro Music drumming There’s no need to fear what’s coming As the butterflies still flutter painted wings But the dance halls will be dripping With their blood, as flame is stripping The gilding from those Bright Young Things Oh, the closet door was bolted When the nerve gas filled the air We were in there (x2) In the backroom, in the sauna, There was weeping on Broadway On the night Judy died But from the tears there came Pride Cos before the wreaths had faded The clubs and bars were raided And the Queers were dragged out screaming by the hair But they turned on their attackers And the tide of years rolled back as The sound of Freedom filled the air Oh, the closet doors still stand But we can smash them if we dare We were in there We won’t stay in there In - here
9.
I seem to be at the beck and call of one and all There’s never time for I simply wait as I always do for a rendezvous, held in secret and held late CHORUS: I’m kept in the dark never asking questions I don’t complain when she summons me In seconds, I’ll be here Have no fear I tell myself that I’ll give her up, no ifs or buts But — then I see her face. I know that I’ll never call my bluff, say ‘that’s enough’ It’s hidden in a smile CHORUS: We sit in the dark, kept apart in daylight I can’t complain too much when we touch In the night, always knowing, she’ll soon be going. She leaves me in the dark, I never ask her, ‘When?’ I don’t complain as she quietly goes — and then I’m alone Well — mustn’t moan I’ll just wait in the dark.
10.
Most people see you as a clown They always try to put you down More like a woman than a man - What's wrong with that? I don't understand Nancy boy... Nancy boy... Nancy boy - they shout at you as you walk by Boring straight men patronise you Pretending that they don't despise you They clutch their girlfriends like drowning men So scared of what you'll see in them Nancy boy... etc. Nancy boy - drunk in pubs they hug each other Nancy boy - he's my mate, we're just like brothers Nancy boy - they shout at you as you walk by Nancy boy - no-one's ever quite as witty as a Nancy boy - no-one's ever half as pretty as a Nancy boy You send me as you sashay by
11.
The British Police are the best in the world I don't believe one of these stories I've heard 'Bout them raiding our pubs for no reason at all Lining the customers up by the wall Picking out people, knocking them down Resisting arrest as they're kicked on the ground Searching their houses, calling them queer I don't believe that sort of thing still happens here Sing if you're glad to be gay Sing if you're happy that way (hey) Sing if you're glad to be gay Sing if you're happy this way Being a lesbian’s wonderful fun You ain’t fit to mother a daughter or son There's no nudes in Gay News, our lost magazine But they still – whoops! Sorry, Capital Gay! Read how disgusting we are in the press The Evening News and the Sunday Express Molesters of children, corruptors of youth It's there in the paper, it must be the truth Sing if you're glad to be gay Sing if you're happy this way (hey) Sing if you're glad to be gay Sing if you're happy this way Have you heard the story about Peter Wells? One day was arrested and dragged to the cells For being in love with a man of eighteen The vicar found out they’d been having a scene The ,magistrate sent him for trial by the crown He appealed but they still sent him down He was only mistreated a couple of years ‘Cos even in prison they look after the queers Sing if you're glad to be gay etc. And sit back and watch as they close down our clubs Arrest us for meeting and raid all our pubs Make sure your boyfriend's at least twenty-one So only your friends and your brothers get done Lie to your workmates, lie to your folks Put down all the queens, and tell anti-queer jokes Gay Lib's ridiculous, join their laughter "The buggers are legal now, what more are they after?" (Let’s go!) Sing if you're glad to be gay etc.
12.
If you're down in London Town and happen to be gay There's a great information service open every day They'll tell you who and where and when and how and why and more On eight-three-double-seven-three-two-four Eight-three-double-seven-three-two-four
13.
They call it growing up, but I call it schizophrenia They call it being alive, but I call it schizophrenia They say. 'You're acting strange' - You've been acting all your life, In a play you haven't written In a strip that's based on lies They call it growing up, but I call it schizophrenia They call it being alive, but I call it schizophrenia They drive a wedge between your body and your mind They've got you caught up in the original double bind They say it isn't right for a man to love a man And a woman in a woman's hands is upsetting a natural plan They sow confusion and they make you hate yourself When they've filled you full of madness, they say they want to help. They call it growing up, but I call it schizophrenia They call it being alive, but I call it schizophrenia
14.
All you gay women, all you gay men Come together, stand together and each other's rights defend There are ghettos in the city, some are black and some are white Some you see and some are hidden in the shadows of the night To be gay is to be fighting all the prejudice and lies Which condemn us to be running scared and lonely all our lives All you gay women etc There are people in the cities and the towns throughout the land Who are saying to themselves this is the time to take a stand Workers, women, gays and black and white now opening our eyes To the need to take control of both our bodies and our lives All you gay women etc
15.
It's the same old story all over the world When a boy meets a boy and a girl meets a girl We all come together 'cos we're happy to say It's a natural fact and it's good to be gay We've been analysed, ridiculed and driven away By our elders and betters, just for growing up gay They trampled on our feelings till we hid them for shame Now 'Glad to be Gay' is the name of the game It's the same old story etc. Now don't feel guilty if you're passing for straight If you wanna be yourself, well it's never too late People won't mind if you're honest and gay You might even find they prefer you that way It's the same old story etc. Some sisters and brothers who are glad to be gay Say they don't need to join 'cos they're doing OK But we need supporting and we need it today And besides, we've tried it and we like it! It's the same old story etc.
16.
There's a policeman hiding in my cupboard He's got a notebook in his hand He's watching me in bed and he's shaking his head And he's going to put me on remand: CHORUS Keep your filthy laws off my body Ain't your business what I do All my lovin' never hurt no-one Unless he really wanted me to Keep your filthy laws off my body Don't tell me how, or when, or who Keep your filthy laws off my body - What's it got to do with you? The judge in the court got a legal definition The priest in the pulpit got a missionary position Tells me it's set in tablets of stone It's not my body to call my own CHORUS Keep your filthy laws etc. VERSE 2 Now my sister's standing in the doctor's He's got her case notes in his hand He's fingering his tie as he's telling her why She can't have abortion on demand CHORUS Keep your filthy laws off my body Ain't your business what I do Isn't easy making these choices - Don't wanna be a criminal too Keep your filthy laws off my body Don't tell me how or when or who Keep your filthy laws off my body What's it got to do with you? Keep your filthy laws etc. What's it got to do with you? What's it got to do with you? What's it got to do with YOU?
17.
There's a girl I'm crazy about And I know she's wild about me But at rough stuff she don't know what to do Cos I'm the leading lady, she's the ingenue Has he pleaded? No Or conceded? No Has she asked to be coerced? Has he put himself into my hands And whispered, “Honey, do your worst"? Well, she hadn't up till yesterday But I bet she will tonight The rod is in the water And the fish is going to bite I'm going to whip up all her ardour Till her cheeks are glowing bright And if she doesn't know the ropes by now You can bet she will tonight Yes, she hadn't up till yesterday But I bet she will tonight We're going to make up dirty stories Just to whet our appetite You won't find them in the Manuals Cos their out of copyright And if she’s never heard of ‘On Our Backs’ You can bet she won't tonight Now although she's a first offender I'm going to make that girl surrender Got accoutrements we're going to try on Turn a baby lamb into a mountain lion Shall I make her? Yes Shall I take her? Yes Shall I give her one more push? Once I’ve got her where I want her There’ll be no beating ‘bout the bush Cos she hadn't up to yesterday But I bet she will tonight I'm gonna start right in and teach her How to play with dynamite I'm gonna light that blue touch paper And watch the flame ignite And if she's never been scraped off the ceiling You can bet she’ll be tonight Well, she hadn't up till yesterday But tonight she's letting rip There'll be no vanilla ice cream But I've got some instant whip Gonna strap her in her harness So she's ready for the flight And if she's never been to the stratosphere You can bet she’ll be tonight
18.
Forget the men in leather The big boys acting tough The macho hunks and the streetwise punks And the guys who strut their stuff Forget those teenage cuties They're just a bit of fluff You can blow your fuse over ingenus But I say, Enough's enough. I've done the rounds and I know the drill And when all is said and done When I want a man for my action plan Give me a red-hot nun Bless me sister, for I have sinned And I want to sin again Now I'm on my knees and I'm asking, please Won't you simply say "Amen" Hallelujah! Let me sock it to ya Do you want a bit of fun? If you want a slice of earthly paradise Better do it with a nun When you swing that thurible There's an itching in my glands But I know the fever's curable With the laying on of hands Bless me sister and ease my pain Cos I'm underneath your spell And alas! for me if it's blasphemy Then I'll have to go to hell It's so simple; underneath your wimple There's a heaven to be won Won't you set me free from my Purgatory? Let me do it with a nun If we live just like the saints Then in heaven he'll reward us But I need some more restraints If I'm taking holy orders They say that Jesus loved me But Jesus is so dead And you're lucky if you can find a stiff Who can give you decent head Well, maybe he is risen Just like the bible said In the meantime I'd rather kiss the bride Give me a nun instead When I see you in your scapula You can whistle and I'll run Cos I've heard the call and I'm gonna fall Tempted by a red-hot nun Bless me sister and hear my prayer Fingering my rosary Underneath your gamp I know you're just a tramp So won't you manifest to me Reach out, grab it - this could be a habit So I'm telling everyone Don't need specs to see I'm in ecstasy If I do it with a nun Lay your rod across my hide I'm confessing to my sin The gates of heaven open wide - So why don't you enter in? Bless me sister, anoint my brow - Won't you sprinkle a few drops Cos I want a male who will lift the veil And pull out the organ stops My affection needs some resurrection And I know when you've begun I can banish shame, light a holy flame When I do it with a nun Do it with a nun Do it with a nun Do it with a nun When I do it with a nun
19.
20.

about

This remastered re-release is in aid of Mosaic Trust and The Proud Trust, which deal with mental health issues for young LGBTQ+ people.

From the original 1982 sleeve notes:

"The excitement generated by the audience at the largest gay benefit concert staged in this country until then is very apparent on this album. On the evening of December 8th 1982 the Albany Empire was filled to capacity with gay women and men all eager to support this Lesbian Line / Gay Switchboard benefit, and the welcome the launch of a new gay record label - GAYN RECORDS. Far from the demands of the mainstream music business - with its emphasis on stars, macho, the ‘instant hit’ - the objective of GAYN RECORDS was to bring gay music to a wider public. Alas, it came to nothing, but we have this priceless memento.
Some of the performers on this album will be new to you, yet between them at that date they represented more than fifty years of gay music making. Some have another 40 years of performance under their belts since then.
The audience laughed with Carol Uszkurat and Mark Bunyan, thrilled to the voice of Joanne Richer, hummed to the tunes of Chris Ransome and Toby Kettle, shared the anger and pride of Rose Collis, Tom Robinson and Eric Presland.
The finale of this concert was truly memorable - the cheers of the audience nearly drowning Tom Robinson’s parting words . . .
. . . ”it feels like coming home”.

Bonus items to this purchase include a 49-page booklet containing the original LP artwork, concert photography, and extensive information about the concert and the bonus tracks, as well as a booklet containing the lyrics.

credits

released January 1, 1983

Recording engineer - Gerrard Kelly
Assistant recording engineer - Andy ?
Recording co-ordinator - Barrie Hilton
Official GAYN photography - Richard Goodwin
Concert photography - Bob Workman
LP Design - Richard Goodwin
Vinyl restoration and remastering - nion (Eddie van der Waard)
Additional remastering on tracks 12 and 15 - Gerry Diver

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Homo Promos London, UK

The excitement generated by the audience at the largest gay benefit concert ever staged in this country is very apparent on this album. On December 8th 1982 the Albany Empire was filled to capacity with gay women and men eager to support this Lesbian Line / Gay Switchboard benefit, Though most of the performers will be new to you, at that time they represented over 50 years of LGBT music making. ... more

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